Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
