I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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