Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
