She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
