Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she told me i tasted like america
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
