Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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