I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
