wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
