I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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