we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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