you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
