Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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