I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
as a side note pls kill me
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