I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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