Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
