i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
