She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
