can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
