I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
