The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
