After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
