never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
