I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
