think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
