I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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