Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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