Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
