I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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