Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
