I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
