i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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