hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
