i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
