Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
