He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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