I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
