I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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