Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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