Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
