I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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