Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
