Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
