I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
