I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
