If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize