Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
