I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
