we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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