Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize