Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
