Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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