its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
