whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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