There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I party with great urgency now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
