I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
