You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
