I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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