No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
