i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize