You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
