I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
