I just cut my nipple shaving
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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