I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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