At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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