Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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