so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
