i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
