I must be too annoying 4 u.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
