If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
grandma shit on top of the toilet
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
