Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize