If i come over, it means nothing
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
