I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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