I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize