i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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