his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
