Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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