Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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