So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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