Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
