Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
