So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize