Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
