I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
