careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
