something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
