I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
