R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
