i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
