Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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