I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
