If i come over, it means nothing
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
