I hate all girls vehemently.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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