Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i think i just lost a toe
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
