After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
there is glitter all over my balls
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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