can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
