you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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