Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
