STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
