let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
