if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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