Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
