We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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