Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
