dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
