she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
