I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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