We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
